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One day in 1995 while I was boiling the billy-can to make
a cup of
tea everything was going as normal. The water boiled and the tea was
made in the billy-can. I then sat back to enjoy a nice cup of tea watching a most wonderful view of
the nightcap range and Wilson's creek behind
Byron Bay.
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Then out of the blue my personal past as a reality disappeared bang!!!. It
was like being hit by a hammer!. there were still thoughts and memories of
my life but there was no substance to them. It is not possible to compare the
before and after because there is absolutely no way I can recreate having a
concrete past.
Everything I could see was being projected from my
mind there was no real universe out there! A big layer of hypnotic trance had blown away.
August 2002
I woke up and saw that My future has
disappeared.
So now no past and no future, no purpose in this life!
I am faced with the awesome reality of now and the
infinite void or non-existence.
So now all those hard core spiritual smarties out there will
say to me how can you tell this story is you have no past?
There is no personal experience in these memories. there is no reliable way of
knowing whether these thoughts really happened or happened to me or
someone else. I am not worried whether this is true or not. I am just moved to
write it down, You can read it and do what you wish with it.
July
2002 WHAT
HAS BEEN GOING ON WITH ROBERT?
There has been a an outbreak of silence here within me. It is not necessarily the absence of thoughts, but
it has revealed itself as the inner emptiness which is completely out of this universe. I have lost so much drive to do things.
Whatever is happening in this life seems to be coming to me on its own account.
I am like a cosmic black hole floating through the universe. I cannot be seen or known. Invisibly moving through space only sensed by events
around my periphery. When there are no events around my edges there is no
experience of any-one existing at
all.
This takes a bit of getting used to!!! . One can only rest and
be, and hope
maybe others may become sufficiently relaxed around me to see through the mirage of the imagined self. and learn to love the perceived horrible void.
within. From this perspective it is seen that trying to fix up the world is seen as an activity causing more
suffering than there is already.
The closest I have seen this described is Suzanne Segal's
book Collision with the Infinite Suzanne had this happen to her out of the blue
while boarding a bus in Paris!.
Unfortunately Suzanne died a few years ago, so a personal contact is not possible.
I am grateful for having been able to read this book, because so far, it its
he closest description to what is happening in me.
July 2004 Nothing further to report
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ABOUT ROBERT and his BIOGRAPHY
